Kate (mskatej) wrote,

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Giant Valentine Picspam PART ONE!!!

Oh God this was a lot of work. I’m talking *weeks* here. And this is from someone who’s *allergic* to hard work. The things I do for love.

In a nutshell, it’s a giant (seriously) picspam of some of the hottest, sexiest, most fuckable characters in film and television. Yes, excel spreadsheets were involved, but really, these are all off the top of my head and are mostly my taste, so it is by no means a definitive list (although I have included some characters I don’t fancy for the purposes of crowd pleasing). If you notice any glaring omissions please post your own pics/captions in the comments.

We start with film characters in this first post (some who got on there because they’re part of a super hot pairing) then later on today we move onto television characters, and it’s all handily organised alphabetically by film/tv show.

It’s *almost* entirely work safe, although there are a few pics in there that you probably don’t want your boss to see you ogling (boobies!), so if you’re at work, make sure he’s not standing behind you.

♥ Happy Valentine’s Day, LJ!! ♥

I can’t possibly tell you where I got all of these photos. I’m afraid I’m not quite that organised. If you see something here that needs to be credited to someone, just shout. Most of the caps I got via cap_it. Some of the lovely people who capped these films/shows include: peacefully, tinted_glass, flyingteapot, eruanne_grace, _jennilou, cinema_eyes, oxoniensis, captainkay, wolfroolz, crumblingwalls, awakencordy, andrea82086, aphroditesflesh, fuyu_yuki, dekolette, aemenangel.


13 Going On Thirty

Matt Flamhaff (Mark Ruffalo)

He’s not even that good looking right? Yet all women love Mark Ruffalo. And I chose his part in 13 going on 30 because I LOVE THAT MOVIE IT’S SO GOOD JENNIFER GARNER IS A REMARKABLY GIFTED COMIC ACTRESS. But yeah, Matt is just *gorgeous* and sweet and loveable and yep. He makes me horny.

8 Mile

Jimmy 'B-Rabbit' Smith, Jr.; Alex (Eminem; Brittany Murphy)

Hello, my name is Kate and I’m a huge fan of Eminem so there. He didn’t disappoint at all in 8 Mile. The sex scene between Rabbit and Alex (and I don’t even like Brittany Murphy) is SO HOT. And it looks real. And that pleases me. And I haven’t watched this movie in a while and I think I’m gonna have to rectify that. Wicked hip hop + hot fucking = Happy Kate.

American Gigolo

Julian Kaye (Richard Gere)

GOD. He gets less hot as the film progresses, but *damn* is he beautiful. Gere’s got that sexual magnetism thing goin’ on and he’s perfectly cast as the gigolo. I’d pay him to fuck me, yes I would. Also, the scene where he’s practically having sex with his shirts? Me like.


Barbarella (Jane Fonda)

I couldn’t sit through this movie (and I ADORE the soundtrack) but I couldn’t not include ol’ Barby. Apparently she’s one of the foxiest ever. OKAY THEN. This pic is pretty hot though – chicks and lasers is always a good combination.

Basic Instinct

Catherine Tramell (Sharon Stone)

She’s not wearing any underwear!! That dirty, dirty whore. ONE MILLION POINTS.


Bruce Wayne/Batman (Michael Keaton; Christian Bale)

I far prefer Keaton’s Batman/BW, but that’s because I don’t find Christian Bale very sexy. You people, on the other hand, may disagree with me, so there ya go. Both of em.

Batman Returns

Catwoman (Michelle Pfeiffer)

I haven’t seen the Halle Berry movie, nor do I want to. Michelle’s Catwoman is the definitive, as far as I’m concerned. She *makes* this movie. The suit looks gorgeous on her and she’s just fantastically sexy and her chemistry with Keaton’s Batman is a thing of beauty.

Beautiful Girls

Willie Conway; Marty (Timothy Hutton; Natalie Portman)

Oh come ON Kate. The entire CAST is hot in this film. Uma Thurman, Matt Dillon, Lauren Hutton… But I’ve decided to pick out the absolute sickest pairing because sorry, they’re a turn on. (I have no problem with statutory rape apparently.) Piano playing Willie, who’s just divine and his attraction to the 13 year old Marty, who’s WAY too hot for a pre pubescent, is what makes this film special. Beautiful Girls has been one of my favourite films for many years and I’ve seen it so many times I can’t actually watch it any more. But I defy anyone not to fall in love with Willie and Marty and want them to get it on (they don’t, of course, pah).


Corky; Violet (Gina Gershon; Jennifer Tilly)

Good film. Hot lesbians. Jennifer Tilly’s voice. VICTORY.

The Bourne Identity/Supremacy

Jason Bourne; Marie Helena Kreutz (Matt Damon; Franka Potente)

One of my very favourite characters. There is nothing hotter than a guy who’s good at, like, EVERYTHING. Not just good, but the VERY BEST. I love JB’s brains as much as I love his body. I love everything about both of the Bourne movies, and if the third doesn’t measure up I’ll probably kill myself. And then, there’s the absolutely FABULOUS Franka Potente as Marie…

I adore her I do, but part of the reason I adore her is because of this scorchingly hot scene where she puts the moves on Bourne. Not only is it believable within the context of the film (he really is very, very hot), I love how forward she is. She doesn’t say a word but she kisses him and holds her face right up to his until he’s basically like, yeah, I want to fuck you too but I couldn’t possibly make the first move because all I’ve done so far since we met is put your life in danger. And she’s all I LOVE DANGER. And then they have really hot sex and I am dead from lust.

Breakfast at Tiffany's

Holly Golightly; Paul 'Fred' Varjak (Audrey Hepburn; George Peppard)

Audrey Hepburn is not exactly *sexy* but she’s so adored by everyone that I felt compelled to include her, and actually, she and George Peppard pretty much smoulder together.

Bridget Jones's Diary

Daniel Cleaver (Hugh Grant)

Yeah, Darcy’s great and all but *personally* we ALL wanted Daniel. Right? RIGHT. Cheeky and bad and he says things like, “Fuck me, I love Keats.” And let’s not forget the following exchanges:

Bridget: Daniel, what you just did is actually illegal in several countries.
Daniel Cleaver: That is one of the reasons that I'm so happy to be living in Britain today.

Daniel Cleaver: Now these are very silly little boots, Jones. And this is a very silly little dress. And, um, these are, fuck me, absolutely enormous pants.
Bridget: Jesus. Fuck.
Daniel Cleaver: No, no. Don't apologize. I like them. Hello, Mummy.
[they kiss]
Daniel Cleaver: I'm sorry, I have to have another look. They're too good to be true.
Bridget: No...
Daniel Cleaver: They're nothing to be embarrassed about. I'm wearing something similar myself.

Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid

Butch Cassidy; The Sundance Kid (Paul Newman; Robert Redford)

Jeez, I dunno who I prefer outta these two. They’re both fantabulous!

Those were the days when moustaches were allowed.

See, I like that the kid has a gun, but look at Butch’s *eyes*.

Imagine him looking at *you* like that.

So joyous and cute and sexy!


Ilsa, Rick Blaine (Ingrid Bergman; Humphrey Bogart)

Okay, you just KNOW that these two had the best sex of their entire lives with each other. *weeps* How can a dude that ugly be so attractive? *boggles*


Velma Kelly (Catherine Zeta Jones)

God I hated this film. YAWN. And I *love* good musicals, so I blame the film entirely. Oh, and Renee Zellweger - who, you’ll note, is not on this list AT ALL. Ick. (I loved her in Jerry Maguire but she’s so not hot.) – was incredibly annoying all the way through. Anyway. I also dislike Catherine Zeta Jones, but that didn’t stop me adoring her performance in Chicago, particularly the opening number (before all the relentless fucking musical numbers, all shot in a similar way got too much to take), All That Jazz, where she just rocked my socks right off. I like her body – she’s not stick thin; she’s curvy and busty as well as beautiful. And Velma is totally immoral too, which is always attractive.


James Ballard (James Spader)

Dude. If you don’t like him, whatever. Spader is soooooo hot and he’s never been hotter than in Crash, which is a sick, perverted, brilliant movie that I saw twice at the cinema and many times after until I watched it one too many times and found it boring. That said, this film is one big massive turn on if you’re me. How does JS do it? Play a character who actually penetrates the wound in a woman’s thigh. He fucks her thigh. And it’s hot. I don’t know how he does that. But he does it and I love him for it. Yeah, Debra Unger is hot too, FYI. These two have a twisted relationship – he only ever fucks her from behind because he’s also a bit gay, so YAY. A million points.


El Mariachi (Antonio Banderas)

I must admit it, I haven’t *actually* seen this film, but I wanted to stick Antonio in here coz he’s really sensual and latinlike and I love the stills from Desperado and I have seen El Mariachi so I already know the character is sexy as hell. And, you know, LOOK AT HIM. *gropes*

Die Hard

John McLean; Hans Gruber (Bruce Willis; Alan Rickman)

He’s funny, he’s clever, he’s brave, he’s hard as nails, he’s barefoot, he’s covered in grime and sweat and blood, he’s very very male, he loves his wife but can’t express it properly, he’s the main character of the greatest action film ever made, hell, he’s the perfect hero. Oh yeah, and he’s hot.

And yet, I would also fuck the villain in Die Hard, because it’s Alan Rickman, and he’s super smart and sexy and witty and evil and the blue print for a million lesser villains in a million lesser action films.

Dirty Dancing

Johnny Castle (Patrick Swayzee)

OMG. Okay. I’m very pleased to have found this screencap because every single girl and woman with a pulse fell in love with Johnny Castle and if it didn’t happen before this moment, it sure as hell happened right then. Men who can dance! You just KNOW they’re going to be fabulous in the sack. And yeah, Sir Patrick of Swayze, is OFF THE SCALE hot in Dirty Dancing. And I know this for reals because I’ve seen the movie about fifty gazillion times. As you all have (don’t even try to lie about it).

Donnie Darko

Donnie Darko (Jake Gyllenhaal)

Dark, intelligent, funny, disturbed, hell, let’s not mince words, *crazy* (or is he?) and with the best mouth ever.

Dr No.

James Bond; Honey Ryder (Sean Connery; Ursulsa Andress)

I think I’m more attracted to Pierce Brosnan’s Bond, actually, but I couldn’t very well leave Connery’s off the list. I’m not a Bond fan anyway (you’ve seen one you’ve seen ‘em all) but there’s no denying the power of his sex. I mean, the dude gets a LOT of pussy. And he looks real, real nice in a suit.

Voted as the sexiest thing ever in all polls on this subject and I have eyes. I do not disagree. She’s smokin’.

The English Patient

Count Almásy (Ralph Fiennes)

What is it about Ralph Fiennes? I get that a lot of people might not find him attractive, but I went to see the English Patient four times *at the cinema* and I’m pretty sure it was all because of Ralph. He’s aloof and humourless and serious and intense and yet he gives the impression, somehow, that the only thing on his mind is really a lot of fucking.

I love this poster because it has a shot of the dance in it. That dance was hot, the way Almásy stared at Catherine like he wanted to devour her and dude, she was helpless against that stare. Then they had sex and it was SOOOOOO HOT.

The Fabulous Baker Boys

Jack Baker; Susie Diamond (Jeff Bridges; Michelle Pfeiffer)

Here’s a pairing that was so incredibly hot that you finish watching the movie and you could swear you’d just seen two hours of porn. And yet there’s almost no sex in it. I *adore* Jack Baker – chainsmoking, genius piano player, moody, a bastard, so very very very sexy. And Susie Diamond? I think the photos speak for themselves. Great film.

Fight Club

Tyler Durden (Brad Pitt)

Seriously. I don’t even think I need to caption these pics because they’re that hot.

There’s nothing not hot about Tyler Durden. Nothing at all.

From Dusk Till Dawn

Seth Gecko; Santanico Pandemonium (George Clooney; Salma Hayek)

What do you do when you’ve been hugely successful as a sexy doctor on a massive television show but you want to make it in the movies? Play a character who’s exactly the opposite of said doctor and even MORE ridiculously hot. The tat, the guns, the butt kicking, the just everything about Seth Gecko works.

Holy crap is that scene the sex. With the dance and the body and the snake and the sticking her toes into Tarantino’s mouth. She is a GODDESS. Although a moment later, it turns out that she’s a hideous demon, but whatever.

Get Carter

Jack Carter (Michael Caine)

He’s a bad bad man. A bad bad sexy man. THE PHONE SEX SCENE. Where he’s talking dirty on the phone with his girlfriend RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE LANDLADY. Who’s just listening and getting turned on by it. OMG.


Maximus (Russell Crowe)

As far as I’m concerned, Gladiator is a piece of shit movie, but that does not stop Maximus from being eminently fuckable.

Gone With The Wind

Rhett Butler (Clark Gable)

“Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.” You bastard. You hot hot bastard.

The Graduate

Benjamin Braddock; Mrs Robinson (Dustin Hoffman; Anne Bancroft)

I love Dustin in this film! He’s completely adorable and yeah, if I was Mrs Robinson I would want so badly to corrupt the fuck out of him.

Mrs Robinson, of course, being the foxiest older woman you could possibly ever hope to be corrupted by.


Sandy Olsson (Olivia Newton-John)

It’s not a look that really works now, is it. But you all remember when you first saw Grease and were like, OMG I want to BE her.

House of Flying Daggers

Mei, Jin (Zhang Ziyi, Takeshi Kaneshiro)

Love love love this film because it’s gorgeous and cool and all that but it’s also really hot. Chemistry galore between these two.

I Robot

Del Spooner (Will Smith)

Look at him. Just look at how fucking awesome he is.

I mean REALLY. That kind of perfection should be illegal.

Indiana Jones films

Indiana Jones (Harrison Ford)

Little girls, old women, and everybody in between. We ALL love Indy.

LA Confidential

Bud White; Jack Vincennes (Russell Crowe; Kevin Spacey)

Russell again! Well he’s not just one of the best actors in the world, he’s also capable of being ridiculously sexy in a manly way. No more so than in LA Confidential. He’s big, he’s violent, he’s a total thug. But underneath it all, he’s a giant sponge cake. Who would definitely get it. Also, his lips are delicious.

Jack Vincennes is definitely Spacey’s sexiest part. I mean, yeah, he buffed up very nicely for American Beauty and I do love him in that, but Jack is way sleeker and cooler and smarter.

The Last Seduction

Bridget Gregory/Wendy Kroy (Linda Fiorentino)

The ultimate femme fatale. I really look up to Bridget/Wendy.

Lord of the Rings

Aaragorn; Legolas (Viggo Mortensen; Orlando Bloom)

I’m not sure Aaragorn in the book is meant to be a sexy hotass but thank God he is in the movie (yet another reason the films are a trillion times better than the books which, omg, are soooo boring).

Orlando Bloom, I think we can all agree, is a giant fag. And not in the good way. HOWEVER. Legolas would get it.

Lost in Translation

Bob Harris, Charlotte (Bill Murray; Scarlett Johansson)

What? Bob Harris may be old but he’s very attractive, and LiT is a very sexy film. I couldn’t not include it, and you know, CHECK OUT THAT ASS.

The Mask

Tina Carlyle (Cameron Diaz)

She’s a babe and her body is out of control.

Mo' Better Blues

Bleek Gilliam (Denzel Washington)

I wanted to include Denzel, even though I don’t find him all that hot, so I chose his role as a jazz musician. I can’t even remember the film but I’m pretty sure he was sexy.

Mr & Mrs Smith

Jane Smith; John Smith (Angelina Jolie; Brad Pitt)

Brad’s on here AGAIN. And I’m not even a Brad fan! Why does he have to play so many sexy characters? *is so not complaining* Still, I think Angie wins in this film, because Mrs Smith is just nnggggghhh.

Hot, and very, very cool.

And a slut. YAY! (FYI, I chose this Angie film and not Tomb Raider because although Lara Croft is totally sexy, that movie sucks hard and I’m not having it on any list of mine.)

Mullohlland Dr.

Rita/Camilla Rhodes (Laura Harring)

Fuck this movie is sexy. I’m not normally a David Lynch fan, but he completely won me over here and I think part of the reason for that is how genuinely erotic MD is. The leads have the perfect chemistry with each other, but it’s Rita/Camilla who gets on this list because GUH.

Mysterious Skin

Neil McCormick (Joseph Gordon-Levitt)

The photos simply do not do justice to how disturbingly sexy Neil is. He’s a gay, teenage hustler and his sexual magnetism is amazingly powerful. This movie is brilliant, btw, and at times a difficult watch, but SO SO WORTH IT. You’ll find yourself turned on and also going, should I be turned on by this? Do I need therapy?

Nine 1/2 Weeks

Elizabeth, John (Kim Basinger; Mickey Rourke)

This is only in here because it’s so famous for being hot, not because I even really remember it. I’ve never found Kim that attractive, but Mickey Rourke? He would get it.

Ocean's Eleven

Danny Ocean; Linus Caldwall; Rusty Ryan (George Clooney; Matt Damon; Brad Pitt)

Danny and Rusty. Yeah baby.


OMG. Why is Danny Ocean so hot? Is it really necessary to be THAT HOT?

And then they go throw Linus into the mix and I die happy. Ocean’s Eleven really is one of the greatest (read: sexiest) movies ever made. (I refuse to see the sequel. It apparently sucks and I hate sucky sequels.)

Out of Sight

Jack Foley; Karen Sisco (George Clooney; Jennifer Lopez)

Yes, George is here again. This time opposite JLo, in her only decent movie and it’s decent precisely because of George but credit where it’s due, she’s genuinely great and Karen is a very sexy character.

Beautiful and handy with a rifle. *swoons*

I can think of very few pairings as hot as these two.

You can feel their chemistry just looking at the PHOTO. Wow.

Pirates of the Caribbean

Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp)

Johnny’s sexiest ever role, IMO. There’s something delicious about badly behaved pretty men, especially when underneath the naughty exterior is a heart of gold. Well, maybe not *gold*. Let’s go with bronze.

Pretty Woman

Edward Lewis; Vivian Ward (Richard Gere; Julia Roberts)

Is she sexy or just loveable? Dressed in her hooker outfit, I’m going with sexy.

Viv is just about to give Edward a blowjob, and holy fuck that makes me happy. Rich, aloof and attracted by her incredible personality because he’s deep. I’d give him a blowjob.

Fucking her on the piano! Are they trying to kill me! There are many reasons why this film is a wonderful, brilliant, perfect romantic comedy, and this is one of them. (Also, you see Julia’s nipple in a later scene, which is v v exciting)

They’re naked in the bath and it’s sexy and romantic and god if you don’t love this movie you’re dead inside.

Their first kiss on the mouth. GUH.

Pulp Fiction

Mia Wallace (Uma Thurman)

So before she ODs Mia Wallace is as fuckable as they come, because she’s off limits yet flirtatious, interesting yet fucked up, funny yet slightly scary.

Reality Bites

Troy Dyer (Ethan Hawke)

Remember this scene?

Yeah, Troy is one of those guys you don’t want to be in love with because he’s such an asshole. But we love assholes, don’t we girls. Especially when they’re smarter than everyone else and pretty to boot.

Saturday Night Fever

Tony Manero (John Travolta)

Everyone loves a man who can boogie. Shameless.

Schindler's List

Amon Göth (Ralph Fiennes)

Never has pot-bellied pure evil been so sexy.


Edward Grey; Lee Holloway (James Spader; Maggie Gyllenhaal)

Favourite. Ever. Movie. It’s up there anyway, and it’s certainly one of the all time hottest films I’ve ever seen. Spanking! James Spader! Maggie! I mean, there is NO BAD THERE.

Sin City

Nancy; Dwight (Jessica Alba; Clive Owen)

Jessica Alba is the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen and she’s in the best movie of last year, and she’s OMG SO FUCKING HOT *dies*

And Dwight is just the coolest: “I'm Shellie's new boyfriend and I'm out of my mind. If you so much as talk to her or even think her name, I'll cut you in ways that'll make you useless to a woman.”

Singin' In the Rain

Don Lockwood; Dancer (Gene Kelly; Cyd Charisse)

This scene is so very, very hot that I’m quite delighted to have found some good quality caps of it. I love this movie a lot (it’s the greatest musical ever made the end) and I LOVE this dance between Gene Kelly and Cyd Charisse – she oozes sex without even trying, so when she tries it’s off the freaking scale.

Some Like it Hot

Sugar Kane Kowalczyk (Marilyn Monroe)

If you don’t mind the object of your affection being mildly retarded, then Sugar Kane is the girl for you. I love Marilyn and hate that she got typecast as the dumb blonde (she wasn’t dumb at all), but Sugar is so irresistible. Beautiful, sweet, funny and stacked. I want one of my own!


Jack Traven (Keanu Reeves)

So fucking gorgeous. Keanu makes a great action star and I think he’s at his best in Speed, which is a brilliant film and shutup he's convincing in it. I love crew cuts on beautiful men.


Peter Parker/Spiderman (Tobey Maguire)

I still remember my mouth falling open when we first got a load of THAT. Who knew? I mean, I’ve always been a Tobey fan, but seeing him that buff nearly killed me. In a good way.

And then he became Spiderman, which is awesome because I love Spiderman and if I were to ever read comics I’d probably give Batman and Superman a big ol’ miss, and head straight for Spidey. It’s the only superhero costume I can think of which actively turns me on. It’s slinky!

Star Wars

Han Solo; Princess Leia (Harrison Ford; Carrie Fisher)

I probably had more of a crush on Luke Skywalker when I was little, but that soon changed. No red blooded woman can resist Han!

And allegedly, no red blooded man can resist Leia in the gold bikini. I’ve seen Friends. I know this is true.

Starsky and Hutch

Ken Hutchinson (Owen Wilson)

I couldn’t find a cap for it but that bit when Hutch has got the cheerleaders on the couch with him and he’s all, it’s natural, do you guys want to kiss now, and then he fucks them and they take coke together and I love how he’s such a cowboy and he breaks all the rules and he’s a very naughty cop but it’s cool because he’s *talented* and yeah, Owen is oddly, strangely good looking and I adore him anyway, but he’s never been so sexy as he is in S&H. *hart*


Trent Walker (Vince Vaughn)

Who the hell doesn’t want to have sex with Trent? Just the right side of annoying, very tall, super cute, and the clothes *still* look great (although they’d look better on my bedroom floor).

The Talented Mr Ripley

Dickie Greenleaf (Jude Law)

I’m not huge on Jude Law but I wanted to pick something of his because he’s undeniably pretty and Dickie is probably my favourite Jude character because his cockiness seems so appropriate.

He’s the golden boy.

I can’t really blame Ripley for wanting to fuck the shit out of him.

Naked, wet and smoking. Thank you God.

Thelma and Louise

Thelma Yvonne Dickinson; Louise Elizabeth Sawyer; JD (Geena Davis; Susan Sarandon; Brad Pitt)

Hot chicks and guns! *victory dance*

When Susan was still totally fucking hot.

And then. Of course. Who could forget. The role that brought him to the attention of millions of women the world over. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Brad Pitt (again) as J.D.

Thomas Crown Affair, The

Thomas Crown and Catherine Banning (Pierce Brosnan and Rene Russo)

These two are so hot together it’s not even funny. And like, that scene where they dance and she’s *not wearing any underwear* and I don’t know how old she is (40 something) but her body is *out of control*? Yeah that scene.

To Have and Have Not

Marie 'Slim' Browning (Lauren Bacall)

“You know you don't have to act with me, Steve. You don't have to say anything, and you don't have to do anything. Not a thing. Oh, maybe just whistle. You know how to whistle, don't you, Steve? You just put your lips together and... blow.”

Top Gun

Pete 'Maverick' Mitchell (Tom Cruise)

Why is Tom Cruise on this list? I don’t know. I honestly haven’t liked him since Jerry Maguire, but no matter. Top Gun is still the gayest movie ever made and Tom is like, wet from the shower for the majority of it. I think he takes about 20 showers in the space of the film. And this cap is from the unforgettably homosexual volley ball scene which is, obviously, the best thing in the film and possibly the world. This was Tom before we found out what a giant freakshow he is, and I remember passionately wanting to marry him when I was lil. FYI, Tom Cruise is so, so gay, but please don’t quote me on that because I don’t want to be sued.

Trigger Happy (aka Mad Dog Time)

Mickey Holliday; Rita Everly (Jeff Goldblum; Ellen Barkin)

Not a well known movie but a seriously sexy, funny, cool movie. Jeff Goldblum, who’s not normally *sexy* as such, is incredibly, blisteringly hot in this film and Rita is a classic horny blonde bombshell who so obviously loves to be fucked by Mickey that you can’t not be turned on by them.

When Night is Falling

Camille Baker; Petra (Pascale Bussières; Rachel Crawford)

One of the most erotic films ever – a stunning romantic lesbian love story. Highly recommended.

Walk the Line

Johnny Cash (Joaquin Phoenix)

I saw this last week and there was no way I WASN’T going to put JP’s Johnny Cash on this list because WOW. He might not quite have Johnny’s voice (as if anyone could have Johnny’s voice) but he does have a lot more sex appeal than the real Johnny (RIP), so I ain’t complaining. Damaged, dark, constantly dressed in black (of course), a pill popping alcoholic who never quite recovered from the death of his brother, and who’s an absolute genius. We love us a damaged genius, don’t we. And yeah, I wasn’t a massive JP fan before this film, but the boy is *pretty*. The skin, the hair, the stubble, the eyebrows, the drawl, the mouth, the EVERYTHING.

Withnail & I

Withnail (Richard E. Grant)

Speaking of damaged geniuses. Okay, there is no good reason on earth why Withnail should be attractive, so I’ll just leave you with some quotes, because Withnail and I is easily the most quotable film ever made and although Withnail may be a drunk and a loser and a coward, he’s a motherfucking funny one who I’ve always fancied.

Withnail: We want the finest wines available to humanity, and we want them here, and we want them now.

Withnail: Right, here's the plan. First, we go in there and get wrecked, then we eat a pork pie, then we drop some Surmontil-50's each. That way we'll miss out on Monday and come up smiling Tuesday morning.

Withnail: I have a heart condition. If you hit me, it's murder.

Withnail: We'll have to work fast.
[to barman]
Withnail: A pair of quadruple whiskies and another pair of pints...

Withnail: We've gone on holiday by mistake.

Peter Marwood: You never discuss your family do you?
Withnail: I fail to see my family's of any interest to you. I've absolutely no interest in yours. I dislike relatives in general and in particular mine.
Peter Marwood: Why?
Withnail: I've told you why. We're incompatible. They don't like me being on stage.
Peter Marwood: Then they must be delighted with your career.


Hot television characters later today!!!
Tags: valentine's day
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