There is not one single solitary thing I don't love about this Justin Bieber story. Let's review:
- Mariah Yeater claims that uber-Christian Bieber plucked her out of a crowd of hopefuls to be the very lucky woman he would lose his virginity to.
- He then took her into a bathroom (awesome) and told her he wanted to "fuck the shit" out of her (hilarious).
- He refused to wear a condom because it was his first time and he wanted to "feel everything".
- It lasted thirty seconds. (This is of course what makes the story plausible)
- Yeater was thus impregnated with Bieber spawn, although clearly unimpressed with his performance overall.
IF THIS IS TRUE I WILL DIE OF HAPPINESS.
My favourite thing also about this article is that Gawker has a 'resident Bieber Expert' who says:
I think it's true. Bieber has always had a teen dad vibe. And there have always been rumors of him hooking up with fans in the Biebersphere. His parents had them when they were suuuper young.
Crazy, but true.
The expert thinks it's true! What IS a Bieber expert! How does that differ from a super fan! It's all so exciting I may pass out.
"Teen dad vibe."
OHMIGOD UPDATE: http://gawker.com/5855709/justin-bieber-fans-thirst-for-the-blood-of-his-alleged-baby-mama