Kate (mskatej) wrote,

Being a fangirl...

I called in sick today! I am in no way sick.


The weather is really nice and I sort of had a headache a couple of days ago and I've been tired. Getting up at 7.30 wasn't an option this morning.

I keep watching capnzebbie's vid, My Secret Love, even though it makes me cry every time. But they're joyous tears! So it's okay. I really need to buy the song. It's about a woman who is having a secret love affair with another woman and no one understands them and it's so hard because they're so in love and it's unthinkable for them not to be together, but they can never be out in the open about it. Just like Clark and Lex! I actually transcribed the lyrics, so you can find out how perfect they are.

Love has never been easy for me
Can't you see I have always been lonely
Faith it seems like a mystery
Girls like me have to hide our hearts away

If only we can live one day without the need to hide away
I'd tell the truth to everyone
How I live for you
But people never understand
They'll destroy us if they can
Say we were struck down by the hand of heaven
We must be wise
And keep our disguise
Stand by our lies
My secret love

I refuse to think of losing you
I won't give the world the chance of accusing you
I refuse!
I'd sooner die than tell
I'm under your sweet spell
My secret love

No, don't say a single word
Can't be sure
Can't be sure that we won't be heard
Like Romeo and Juliet
They will chase us to our death
Then voice their false regret
The liars
But since the day that we first met
Until i take my dying breath
I'll be tangled in your net of desire

I refuse to think of losing you
I won't give the world the chance of accusing you
I refuse!
I'd sooner die than tell
I'm under your secret spell
My secret love!

I refuse to think of losing you
I won't give the world the chance of abusing you
I refuse to tell the truth of you
I refuse for you
My secret love

Spoken bit

You and I, we are like spies, in the house of lonely love
We are actors in a heartless play
I smile my smile, I play my part, and forever hide my lonely heart
My secret love

Anyway, I'm in the mood to talk and hear about the wonder that is Clex. Why do they have this effect on me? On so many of us?

I am so... monogomous when it comes to fandom. I flirt with other SV pairings occasionally, but I always come home to Clex in the end. And as for being interested in pairings outside of SV, it just doesn't seem to happen to me. It's as if I'm looking at them all from a distance. I can appreciate on an intellectual level why certain pairings are attractive to other people, but I just can't seem to feel it. Not for anyone but my boys.

We're a funny lot, us fangirls, aren't we. A few years ago I wouldn't have thought it possible to be "in love" with a fictional relationship. Yet that's what it's all about for so many of us. Passion. Devotion. All consuming. Clark and Lex are always with me. When I walk to work, when I fuck about online, when I go to bed (heh). It's insane! I can't tell my RL friends this becuase they wouldn't get it. Because let's face it, that's WEIRD. But not to you guys. It's NORMAL to you guys.

I'm afraid of the day when I stop loving Clex. I guess it'll happen because that's how it works. People move on, find new things to obsess over. For a long time it was Buffy.  I was besotted with Buffy and with Buffy/Spike. But now I'm not and I don't miss it.

Will that be how I'll feel about SV and Clex some day? Probably. Although right now I'd be happy to spend the rest of my life with them.

I'm a weird mix of romantic and realist.

Talk to me about your love of Clex, or your love of your pairing of choice. What makes them so special to you? Why do they own you so thoroughly? Do you love more than one pairing? And how does that work? Explain yourselves!

Tell me I'm not alone in my madness!
Tags: clex, fandom, tv: smallville
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