Kate (mskatej) wrote,
Kate
mskatej

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InstaRec! And the smutbox: wtf is all that shit?

So Kassie attempted to write me clex and failed because she hates clex [I do appreciate the effort, although you STILL OWE ME] but she did manage to write the most amazing amazing clark/chloe fic, Id, Ego, Superego, which is clever and intense and creepy and completely heartbreaking (if you're a sap like me) and you should all go and read it NOW. Thx.

***

I was very productive yesterday and actually managed to finish my car porn! It's off getting beta'd as we speak, but more importantly, I can now concentrate on the other challenge I signed up for. My original plan was that tonight I would don my research cap and find out what the fuck all that shit in the smutbox actually IS, because I am an INNOCENT when it comes to sex toys. You want to know about dirty talk and candle wax? I'm your girl.  But there are a couple of items in the smutbox that baffle me.

So yeah, I was gonna research it and then I thought, who needs Google when I have you pervs at my disposal! Someone on my flist must have first hand experience with these things. RIGHT? So here is the list and my guesses. Please correct me when I'm wrong and the more detail you can give me about each item the better.

Pocketpussy: My new favourite word. I have no experience with pocket pussies but it's pretty obvious what this is. It's a pretend pussy, used as a masturbation tool.
Wet lube: Is there a difference between ordinary old lube and wet lube? Is wet lube wetter than ye ole KY? Is it drier than baby oil? 
A whip: When I was in high school, I learned how to crack a whip for my school production. I played Olga, the evil Russian Countess, and I was the Man of Steel's arch nemesis. I wore a slinky black dress with long black gloves and I cracked a whip whenever I wanted to intimidate people. I also replaced all my "th"s with "z"s. And I pronounced Kryptonite, Kraptonite. My best line: "If you think it's kraptonite, you should have seen it last night." Always got a HUGE laugh. I had a gang of slightly retarded gansters under me, and we were WAY WAY cooler than the goodies. So no need to esplain what this one is because I'm a pro with it.
Panty Dropper Massage Oil: WTF? Again, is panty dropper massage oil different from ordinary old massage oil?
Everyone Loves a Happy Penis -- Penis Massage Creme: A longwinded name for an odd product. Also, can this double as lube?
Tit Tarts: I have NO FUCKING CLUE what tit tarts are. Please enlighten me.
Aphrodisiac Chocolates: If I were Mikey, I would NOT eat these. But seriously, has anyone tried them? What's in them? Oysters?
Kama Sutra Cards: There was a time, many moons ago, when I had a copy of the kama sutra, but I never read it because it looked boring. Give me The Joy of Sex ANY DAY.
A purple cockring: *giggles* Never experimented with a cockring but I believe they're used to keep cocks hard even after the man comes? Or something? This one I'd like info on if you have it. 

Oh, um, please don't post pics of any of these things in the comments (links to pics are fine) as I'm at work.
Tags: porn, recs
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