Kate (mskatej) wrote,
Kate
mskatej

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Clex from Crapborg

So I checked my list (it’s an excel file) and yeah, I slept with that guy and then just forgot about it. CLASSY.

It doesn’t even matter so I’ll move on now. Last night I watched Cyborg on UK TV and last week’s episode was Tomb, and it’s quite amazing how much those episodes suck. I think I quite enjoyed them the first time round, but last week, whilst watching Tomb, I kept screaming at Hamish about how terrible it was, and last night, every time the cyborg dude was in a scene I wanted to puke. I remember people praising his acting, but I respectfully disagree with y’all because he can’t act for shit. Hamish will confirm this if you don’t believe me. (That said, the script was embarrassingly bad, so it might not have been all his fault. Although Tommy and Mike make bad dialogue sound fine, so I still blame the actor).

Interestingly, during a Mionel scene, Hamish said to me, “You know, I think I’m actually starting to like this show.” WOOP! \o/

Lex is the best thing about Cyborg, because not only is he very bad and sexy, he also tells Clark to shove it, which is awesome (and sexy).

To cheer you all up, here’s a little bit of captioned screencappery (caps by oxoniensis). MY version of a certain scene in Crapborg. 

Breaking up is hard to do...


"Who's there?" Lex says, alarmed.


"It's me," Clark replies. "We need to talk." 


"Now's not a good time, Clark. I'm trying to read here."


"Also, you didn't call first. I prefer it when my guests call first."


"Lex! We have GOT to talk about this.  You can't keep shutting me out!"  WATCH ME, Lex thinks, completely ignoring Clark.


"LEX!" Clark whines. "I'm sorry," Lex says innocently. "Did someone say something?"


"How incredibly spooky. I thought I was alone in the room."


Clark clenches his jaw in frustration. "Lex, your perfect profile isn't fooling me this time. I'm not leaving until you've acknowledged that I'm here." There! Clark can be stubborn too.


"FINE." Lex stands up. "At least let me get drunk before we do this."


Lex walks past Clark prissily. "I really don't see the point in talking about it anymore, Clark. You broke up with me, remember, and that means you don’t get to play with this,” Lex points at his ass, “anymore.”


Clark stares at Lex's ass longingly.


"Were you just looking at my ass?" Lex asks. "No!!" Clark lies quickly. Too quickly.


"Lex, please. I just want to talk about it. About us," Clark says. Lex feels suddenly emotional.


"Alright, Clark. Let's talk. Answer me this: do you still love me?"


Clark stutters a little but can't find the right words. "That's what I thought," Lex says sadly.


"Oh God, Lex. You're so sexy. Don't cry."


Kiss me, Clark thinks, gazing at Lex.


"You know what, Clark? I guess we could have sex one last time."


"We did used to be good at the sex, didn't we. Ah, memories..."


"Did you bring protection?!"


"Actually, forget I said that. I'm pretty sure I have protection."


"Are you sure, Lex? Because I'm a safety boy."


"Let's find out, Clark. Race you upstairs?"


Clark thinks about it for a while. Racing Lex upstairs would be fun but Clark's got an unfair advantage, given that he's an alien who can run really fast. What a dilemma. Should he use his superspeed and beat Lex, or should he play fair and square? He's pretty sure Lex would cheat if he could, but that doesn't mean that Clark should. Does it?


"Okay," Clark says firmly. "I'll do it. I'll race you upstairs."


"I see." Lex says. "Well, seeing as it was my idea and this is my house, I'll give you a head start."


With a head start, Clark definitely can't justify using his powers to win. He looks at Lex suspiciously. "Fine," he says. "But don't try anything funny because I'll find out about it."


Lex watches Clark leave and hatches a plan.


"I'll wait until he's out of sight, then I'll use one of my secret passageways and I'll get to the bedroom first!" Lex whispers evilly.  Clark hears him with his superhearing, of course, and bolts to the bedroom.


"How did you get here so fast?" Lex demands. "How did you?" Clark demands back. "Uh... never mind." There's an uncomfortable silence.
"SO," Clark says conversationally. "Shall we..." Lex answers his question by lunging at Clark and planting a wet kiss on his parted lips. And then they have lots of sex on the floor.

THE END.
Tags: picspam, screencaptions, tv: smallville
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